Self War

Holding tight to my integrity

Fighting hard for serenity

They tell me I need therapy

I am my own remedy

So many painful memories

Sometimes it makes me forget my identity

Stuck in a hypnotic melody

Until mentally, I am my own enemy

At war with my energy

Fighting the devil for clarity

Winning is a necessity

Even if I do it while drunk on Hennessy

Dating


We match, we talk a little smack and then exchange numbers

You tell me about yourself, your mother and your brother

You say cute shit and it makes me wonder

Are you a true lover? Or you just want get under?

Text me consistently for two days

It goes from “can I get to know you?” to “yo ma let me get a pic of that ass”

Well damn, that was fast

At least it took you a little longer than the last dude to ask

You’ll promise me that you won’t ghost

Then one day you just wake up possessed by a different host

I’m sorry, if I gave you the impression that I was a hoe

Then you get upset because what you say doesn’t always go

I wanted something real

All you care about is how I look in heels

It took me a long time to heal

So, you think my energy I’ll let you steal?

You fool, you might be a fine fool, but I don’t want you if you don’t have the right tools

It’s not that you only want sex

It’s that you lie about what you say

I get it, a lot of men can’t communicate

So, they often don’t comprehend

They want bomb ass head, but can’t even understand what is in their own head

Unread

My messages are still unread

It’s surreal, was it even real?

So many thoughts unsaid

I kept them in because I didn’t feel safe

You started getting distanced and I wasn’t about to chase

We’ve had better days, but you’ve never left my messages unread

I’m not sure who you became

This isn’t who you once portrayed

I tried to love you and got played

You said you’d love me and gave me a different display

So many promises made, that “forever you’d be my aid”

I’m not throwing shade

But it’s been time for an upgrade

Imperfections

Imperfections flowing heavily into my brain

The anxiety becomes second nature

Trying to defeat the social anxiety

It’s getting hard to defeat

When you can no longer tell fake from reality

Many times, I’ve reached my glory

But I also have plenty of bad stories

I think about my shortcomings, but I’m ready for whatever else is coming

I’ve been tolerating my own monsters

And they keep showing up as impostors

I ask them questions, and then pay attention to all their responses

Not sure how they have time to lie to you

When they still haven’t fought their own demons

Imperfections flowing heavily into my brain

I want to come out of it, but sometimes they give me a reason to stay

A Glance

Last chance, to tell me how you really feel

I don’t need a story, be straight up, give me a brief summary

I’m getting different impressions, I’m not sure if you’re shy

You’re making it difficult, the chances of me getting frustrated are high

You’re avoiding eye contact, can’t even get a fleeting peek of your beautiful eyes

In a blink of an eye, you take a glance at me and instead of saying the truth, you lie!

His own suffering

Trying hard while purifying his soul
He always had a hard time identifying himself
His repulsive actions made it hard to be loved
And in the back of his mind, he still didn’t understand why

So many times lonely he cried
Thinking how hard he has tried
His pain and his vibe collide
He doesn’t like what he feels, so he just hides

He is the main source for his suffering
All those times he promised to love, those moments are still buffering
His lies are slowly uncovering
He tries to scream for help, but all you hear is stuttering

He looks in the mirror and gets scared by his reflection
He is staring at his eyes while he fights the evil possession
He thinks he has learned all his lessons
But the problem is he never had good intentions

Senses

I never thought I would say this, but I miss your touch

I should be upset, but I won’t hold a grudge

You’re a bad decision, but I don’t mind being judged

I miss your smell

As soon as I would see you, I would fall under a spell

Our vibes meshed so well

I miss your taste

The way you would get close and hold my waist

Your breath on my breath, face to face

..

I never thought I would say this, but I miss your voice

I left you because you were chaotic, made too much noise

But now I’m not sure if I made the right choice

Self Destroy

She is reaching for air

She is so messed up and she hasn’t been able to repair

She acts like she doesn’t care

Beware of her energy, she is never aware

Nothing works on her, not even prayer

Because of her own thoughts she is the slayer

She thinks it isn’t fair, but it’s her fault for not practicing self-care

She doesn’t admire, only hates

When she pushes people away, she complains

She wants a pat in the back, so focused on that, she slacks

She thinks the way to feel better is to attack

That’s why in her life, good karma she lacks

On my mind

You’re always on my mind

Even though I know you’re not really mine

Thinking of you all the time, I might be crossing the line

Your face and your thoughts, you as a whole, you’re so fine

I look at your picture and smile

I think about you while I’m sipping some wine

I’m paying attention, looking for signs

This isn’t a feeling I can just decline

I have a thing for you, even against my guidelines

I’m reading between the lines

When you speak to me, our energies intertwine

Forgiveness

You say you want me to forgive you

But you can’t even forgive yourself

I’ll forgive you in vain

Erasing all my pain

Just like that, you still not knowing how to act

When I forgive, I feel alive

When you forgive, it doesn’t come from within

You want witnesses and want to put up a show

I don’t need that, I heal alone

How can I forgive you, if you feel like you didn’t do anything wrong?

You’re okay acting like that all day long

You’re playing games and I’m not playing along