Slowly Tipping

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I’m slowly tipping
My mind is tripping
I don’t drink & i feel like drinking
Tired of flipping out
I’m tired & there is no doubt
How could I have allowed
Myself to fallout
To you it’s all about clout
To me it’s about protection
How can you not see the connection
Your actions is a reflection of whats inside
But why must I pay?
Do you think I’m a prey?
Sometimes i’m brave
Other times I sit there and I pray
Is it the attention that you crave?
While I want someone to save me
You’re seeking attention I never gave
And now you claim you can’t behave

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From cold to hot

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From hot to cold

Sometimes it gets old

Sometimes I keep it controlled

I’ve been told I’m super bold

But sometimes I just want to be held

But I just keep getting mislabeled

Then they act surprised when I’ve rebelled

Like if I’ve been disguised

All this time I’ve been trying to stay alive

Trying to feel better than alright

I’ve been trying to provide

It’s hard to describe

I’ll never deny the pain I’ve been through

It’s helped me survive

Hypnotized sometimes mesmerized

Sometimes its a paradise

Other times it’s a sacrifice

From hateful to blissful

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You’re destroying me
Slowly depleting my energy
I’m trying really hard to stay sane
Trying really hard to break this toxic chain
But for some reason you make that impossible
You make me feel so irresponsible
You make me feel so miserable
I swear it’s like you want me to struggle
You want me to stumble
I’m trying not to get verbal
We keep going in circles
All this bad energy I feel internal
Working double trying to please you
Sometimes I search for clues
Blaming past experiences for what you been through
To possibly try to understand
Why you always reprimand
I wish it was simple
And you didn’t make me feel so sinful
Tired of trying to figure out the puzzle
I’m tired of feeling awful, It’s painful
I just want us to be blissful

Interrupted Healing (Explicit)

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Finally, finally moving on from all your fucked up memories
Somehow, somewhere I stumble & I fall
And all the hard work goes to waste
Here comes the trigger
I hate you again
I don’t trust again
How can I love again
I analyze it
I try to heal
I think I do
And it just comes back
To haunt me
To fuck shit up again
To weaken me
And weaken my ability to love again
To smile again
To finally, finally not hate you
To finally learn how to love again
To breathe again
To not be triggered so easily
To feel like i’m getting treated equally
To feel that I’m getting love frequently
I’m trying to heal quietly
But I’m hurting so noisily
Meanwhile I thought I was hurting secretly
I need to take a breather before this goes any further
I don’t want to love you
But I don’t want the pain you put me through to stop me from loving another

I don’t Care

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Now you want come for me
Did you all of sudden remember me
Was it a memory, a flashback
Did you miss my energy
Why are you trying to come back
I won’t submit
I’m too blunt
Never going to front
I can’t understand
How you demand
For me to submit to your commands
I stand on my ground
My anger expands

You seem to misunderstand

Text me and act like you care
Two weeks ago you was running away from me
How dare you,
Thinking you can just come and go
Well I’m telling you no
Don’t for a second doubt
That I won’t be fine without you
You fool, we would’ve been cool

But it wasn’t enough
Or you were scared
Either way, I don’t care

Trance (Explicit)

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They met,
She loved Him,
He hurt her,
She cried,
A lot,
Too much,
She healed,
Got over it,
He realized,
He fucked up,
A lot,
Too much,
He tried,
It was too late

Now he is asking for another chance
Asking her out on a dance
She feels like she is stuck in a trance
She needs to escape maybe to France
He is after her like a fan, thirst man
Should of loved her when he had the chance
Now he wants to enhance his love for her
When she no longer desires him
When he knows long time ago he killed the fire
She is tired, everyday still getting flyer
Her lit ass attire, while she rewires
All the damage that he had wired
While he was out there being a liar
She was in her room getting higher
Thinking about what transpired
But at the same time
Retiring to his emotions
Thinking she was under some sort of potion
So much commotion
Not enough devotion
All that was left was an explosion
Emotions running deep like a fucking ocean
All in slow motion

Triggered

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Once again I’ve been triggered
Every time I think I’m getting fitter

Small things become big things
Brings up memories I don’t want to deal with
Brings up memories I have converted into myths

Fifth time I try to move on
I don’t want to dwell upon it anymore

When I think I’m getting better
I end up writing sick letters

When does it stop
I am really trying my best to stay on top

Can’t seem to find the finish line
I need to align myself
Life line, dead line