Control of Destiny

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Surprisingly I’ve managed to keep my character placid 

even though my heart feels like it’s being dripped in acid

it’s received so many beats

I once thought it would turn into ashes

Many times I thought my heart wouldn’t be able to take it and it would lead me into a casket

I’ve been tapping into my senses

checking my tone and commitment to remain afloat 

I’m doing it alone and trying it to keep it under control

If I don’t take notes of it, my mind will explode

Reading positive quotes

don’t want any bad feelings to be provoked 

consuming interrupted remedy 

consuming the remedies heavily

to help me cope and remain steadily 

I’ve been searching for this recipe

I got tired of living so dreadfully

I don’t need anyone’s empathy 

I’m giving my heart a high feeling of ecstasy 

it’s been chemically intoxicated

I’m fighting for clarity endlessly 

I have control over my destiny

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Handmaid

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I knew one day you would change

But I wasn’t waiting for that day to be today

Can we rearrange for another date?

this feeling I really hate

is it up for debate?

I feel betrayed

it feels like a blade

I slaved for our love

and you’re the one who got paid

never provided your aide

my love was handmade

you wanted a handmaid

the love I provided you erased

Nympho

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I crave you like a nympho craves sex

you go deeper into my heart

I have swallowed my words

you sink harder into my mind

I ride quietly in your car

you grab my hair and pull me towards you

you stare at my eyes and lean in for a kiss

I’m choked from feelings I haven’t expressed

I crave you like a nympho craves sex

it’s hard to explain, it’s complex

I came out of a dark state

you pulled out that blade

I wasn’t afraid

Freedom

Hurt inside

smiling outwardly

my anxiety takes me by surprise

I get shooked and it makes me feel cowardly

I leave my house early

to avoid having to feel awkwardly

I’m fucked up

I’m messed up

sometimes it makes it hard to keep up

it goes smooth for a few days and then I fuck up

I fall down and I force myself to get up

I go to the mirror and whisper “never give up”

never give in to your demons

they’ll leave you with lesions

but never give your Angels so much power you become powerless

where you become blinded and your world is colorless

it’s a balance

a map of guidance

we need to feed both sides

or one side will empower us

Sipping Champagne

Your flattery makes me feel vain

after I stop smiling, I still feel the same pain

that’s why I sit here and enjoy this champagne

I’m getting tipsy, I feel it in my veins

sober soul, drunken pain, I’m not really sure what emotion to process through my brain

I feel an electric wave go down my spine

one more sip, there was one, now I see two lines

now I see right through your lies

it’s funny how time flies, for a long time you lied while you stared into my eyes

I should get a dummy prize because I never realized

I was so unwise, you knew that and you still hypnotized me

your vibe I had already memorized

it was too late, I was mesmerized

sipping this champagne, thinking about all that pain, what a drain

my sight is full of color but when I think about you it goes plain

Demolished

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Wait stop

why are you hurting me nonstop? 

late at night I’ve been feeling bitter

I’m trying to quit but I keep checking your twitter

I’m looking for signs

but I only find litter

I brought it up and what I got back from you was astonishment 

I kid you not this feels like a punishment

I’ve been as naive as a young infant

it fucks up my instincts

you’d promise you’d stay and you vanished

the worse part is that you left a damage

I don’t know how to manage

I’m getting hit by sadness

the air you left feels satanic

Converted Energy

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It took me a while to open up

it took me a while to find my voice

that’s why I feel so offended when people try to silence me, my mind you’ll never shut

I’m observing, I’m learning, & I’m speaking up

I’m standing up for what’s right and I’m never giving up

I’ll never again be silenced

it took me a long time to find my balance

it took me a while to repair the confidence that was once wrecked by injured souls

i’m no longer interested in secretly hurting

it’s the pain that gets you through

brave is not one who hides, brave is one who fights

I’ve been hurt many times, but getting through is what makes me grow

I took in a lot of bad energy and now I’m about to release a converted energy

I took it in negatively, consumed it, and spit it out positively

Broken Cassette

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I thought we were moving ahead

But I see you’re now full of regrets

So many things you left unsaid

I thought this love was set

But you sit there with your cigarette

You reject me, you neglect me

Your silence torments me

You promised you’d never forget me

But I see the love decreased to a very small percentage

Can we reset

Or should I take your actions as a threat

Nervously I sweat

And I sweat you

And I upset you

We met long time ago

Been getting mixed emotions from long time ago

Legit feels like a broken cassette

The repeated regrets

You took my feelings and chewed them

And then left me in debt

Letting Go

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Letting go
I don’t know
What it feels like
My feelings I want to release in open mic
Some many feelings bottled up
I have a feeling
In order to let go
My silence I need to break
I need to release all my aches
I won’t flake anymore
I get my pen and my journal, and I sit by the lake
There I sit and I write about all my heartbreaks and all the snakes
I write about the times I haven’t been awake, in a dark state
All the birthday wishes and the birthday cakes
Letting go of all the memories
They’re all I know, but not ones I enjoy
Barely brought me any joy, they would always seem to destroy
Letting go
I don’t know what it feels like
It’s so unlike me to let things go
but my memories dislike me
and they keep striking me
I need to stop them from ripping me and let them go