The devil says “let me help you”

The angel says “I will help you”

It took me a while to learn the difference

I had to live through both experiences

One fed me bitterness and the other enlightened me

Sometimes paralyzed while they were whispering nothing but gibberish

Other times I fought until I made it through, I also learned resilience

…

The devil says “let me help you”

The angel says “I will help you”

I must say, I still learned from my suffering

And I still felt pain while getting help

Two opposites that completed me

While one was covering me in lies

The other made me feel alive

My soul blooms

As I sit quiet in my room

Meditating, chanting, praying

 Reacting to all my thoughts

All my memories fading, I’ve been so patient

…

My soul feels elevated

I guess I got tired of feeling degraded

So many negative vibes, people dressed up as Satan

…

I’ve been waiting

My thoughts were always racing

The bad energy for good energy I’m immediately trading

I’ve been training

It was hard work, but I’ve learned to keep my thoughts straightened

Between light and shadow

Sometimes I grow, sometimes I don’t know where I’m headed

Between dreams and reality

To get anxious or live carefree

I sip some black tea

Focus my mind on tree pose

Focused on my mind so I know where my qi flows

Between cons and pros

Sometimes I’m ecstatic and then I buy a black rose

Sometimes I’m conservative, other times I take off my clothes

I’m mostly awake but sometimes I doze

I’m not always balanced but I’m cautious of my dose

Grateful for my highs and awake during my lows

I’ve been feeding my bad side lately; I need to check myself

It’s almost as if I’m being compelled, it’s not letting me excel

I’m feeling overwhelmed, it’s been causing me to rebel

The influences are coming from the past, certain flashbacks, certain triggers

Sometimes my issues are small, and I make them bigger

Things are running smooth and I make them bitter

I make up all these possibilities and it’s messing up my smooth melodies

It shrinks my capabilities, I’m eating all this negativity

Shut in a mental disability, overreacting at stupidities, such hostilities

It’s not a probability, it’s a certainty

My main responsibility is to constantly check myself

You get close, smoothly kiss my lips, you take me to a state of bliss

When you leave, is that feeling I miss

My feelings you never dismiss, you leave, and I miss your chocolate kiss, you leave and I exit that state of bliss

Don’t leave me, please

You touch me, I get goosebumps, my skin can’t resist

Give me a French kiss, give me a soul kiss, it doesn’t matter, just give me a kiss

You want to go gentle, but I tell you no, I insist

You want to take my clothes off, I assist

I want you to love me lightly with a dark twist

Love me weakly, love me with passion, it doesn’t matter your love takes me to a state of bliss

It’s because of you my bliss exists

I choose my sanity over everything

I’ve been fighting hard for it every second of the day

So many seconds questioning humanity

…

Sometimes I’m an introvert

I sit quiet & I observe

Sometimes what I witness is so absurd

Can’t reverse the memories

I stay reserved, hidden in my own universe

…

Sometimes I’m very outgoing

I make friends without knowing

They say they’re my friends, but that’s hardly what they’re showing

When I get too involved my self-doubt starts growing

…

I can’t find meaning in what they’re saying

Their thoughts and words are far from healthy

Conversations with no meaning

Always teaching, but don’t like learning

They don’t know how to, so they’re never healing

I was feeling the vibe

I felt every word, even when you said you’d be mine

I was so close to subscribe

I’m not sure if I make sense, it’s hard to describe

…

A hit from my pipe

So many swipes, no one was really my type

Asking where I was from and then mentioning all the stereotypes

…

I’m good alone

Let it be known

Alone I’ll still grow

My energy in rotation still flows

Whether or not you hit up my phone

I’ll always be at peace in my zone, on my own

Your love was poison

It was never genuine, it was for your convenience

To feed your demons

You thought you were a genius and I would come to an agreement

You’re a dangerous tragic

A sculptor to my nightmares

I provided genuine love, you fed me poison

At one point I believed all your famous lies

The harmony was lost

The positive opportunities were gone

You made it a habit to feed me silence

You weren’t interested in my melodies

You cared more about your dominant tendencies

Your morals are corrupt

Your soul is disconnected from your body

There was always something sinister about your vibe

You wanted to make me feel insecure

With your words you tried to bribe me

Your eyes were always full of fire

Poison is all you knew, you tried to feed me poison

But you are the poison itself, you were never yourself

You question my glance

I’m looking at you because I enjoy your presence

Moments with you are always pleasant

I applaud your behavior

You are just the perfect flavor

My sadness is big but your love is even greater

It’s in your nature to treat me right

Never want to fight

You want to cuddle in the night

You invite me out when I’m sad

Kiss me with such delight

You’ve helped me stand upright

You’re there when I’m not alright

In this darkness, you’re currently my light

They see you doing better and they start to criticize

Not understanding all the pain that you went through

Every time you wanted to be happy, the feeling got denied

Fought your fears so hard to survive

They start a case against you and don’t give you the chance to testify

…

Identifying all your mistakes, minimizing all your hard work

Never satisfied no matter how hard you try

Analyzing all the wrong decisions you ever made

Hypnotized in trying to make you feel like you don’t belong

…

Therefore let me be specific

I had many demons inside, it’s hard to describe but I killed them one by one until I finally felt alive

I didn’t go through all this trouble to please you, her or him

I did it for me, for my state of mind