Sleepless nights

Sleepless nights thinking of you

Wishing right now I could be with you

…

Sleepless nights

Sleepless nights putting up mental fights

I don’t know what to do, so I just write

…

Sleepless nights

When I write my thoughts, I notice my weak spots

A glass of wine, then henny then rum

I want to face my fears, but I just run

…

Sleepless nights

Sleepless nights thinking of you

Thinking of you is no longer fun

The damage you cause cannot be undone

Sound of silence when you’re around

I have your company and still feel alone

My mind you used to blow, now you don’t even make me moan

…

I barely remember the butterfly feeling

Went from that to mistreatment

Now I find myself constantly healing

…

I was focused on how you were treating me

I forgot how to take care of myself

I lost the meaning of self-respect

Therefore I couldn’t excel

…

Your energy is very overwhelming

We never speak, but you don’t mind yelling

Being with you once felt so daring, now it’s so draining

You energy spreads through my body like a disease

My heart starts swelling, I stop caring

Most times I’m calm, but at times I go into numbness

Go into roughness, but I always fight to stay humble

I crumble, I tumble, but I never stay under the tunnel

…

I’m fighting with all my will power, I’m unleashing all the toughness

I’m still living even during dull moments

I’m still balancing my qi even when my energy is stolen

…

I’m winning no matter the opponent

I’ll get wrapped into slowness, but I’m never quitting

Enjoying the emotions moment by moment

I’m proud even of my lowest moments

…

Bad thoughts frozen then broken

Smooth thoughts always flowing

Writing them out like a poet

I’m so focused, when the world gives me signs, I always notice

Socially awkward, when I’m surrounded, I’m such a misfit

They look so comfortable, I feel like I don’t fit

I’m not used to crowds, I’ll admit

My lonely thoughts I need to dismiss

Not everyone is bad, but that’s what I always predict

Socially awkward, even when I resist

Socially awkward, no matter how much I persist

Socially awkward, no matter how much they insist

My curiosity and fear coexist

I want to stand, but I just sit

I’ve trusted a few hypocrites

It clouds my vision, it makes me awkward, and I throw a fit

Not everyone is bad, but that’s what I always predict

I felt so brainless because I was getting played

But you should feel mindless for playing all these games

Messing up your name, for what? For “fame”?

You’ll never understand why your vibe is so lame

You always said you would change but remained the same

All these lies that you claimed, acted up and never took the blame

…

It’s such a shame, not that you played me, but you wasted my time

That you once wouldn’t allow me to climb

Staying with you was such a crime

Little by little I lost myself right in front of your eyes

…

You saw me falling and still fed me lies

You criticized, I fantasied

Hurt for so long I got tired of the cries

From the experience I became wise

When we first met, you said you were nice

This experience I have memorized

You were no longer a prize, you were a sacrifice

My bags are packed

I’m never looking back

You thought you had all the chances in the world and never treated me right

…

In fact, you never had my back

Put up an act in front of your boys, when they were no longer around, you always slacked

…

Next to you, I always felt under attack

Next to you I was aware, your actions I always tracked

…

You act foolish and I don’t react

I’m not giving you what you want

That’s not the behavior I want to attract

I inspire, you distract

This will never be a perfect match

…

Keep your devil act

Keep your devil pact

Your whole negative vibe, I am going to subtract

Every move I take, is carefully calculated
I admit, it’s not always the greatest
I do this so my space never gets invaded
The second I stop, my energy becomes faded
My hard work is wasted, my body is jaded, I feel my thoughts go into hatred

I taught myself that my thoughts should always be sacred
I was so stuck, a mental escape I created
They don’t understand, differently they always
translate it
It’s not about them, our thoughts are not even related

I see them fighting to stay in the same space, while I’m elevated
I refuse to stay stuck in the same thoughts, each day they get updated

I’m no longer carrying all the unnecessary weight
When I think straight, I love the space it creates, it opens up new gates
They want to be great, but they’re focused on me and leaving their growth for a different date

I’m usually calm

Other people see that and they try to test me

 I just want to chill and rest

They poke me until my energy becomes a time bomb

When I explode, they don’t understand

They cause the explosion and they can’t comprehend

I’m exhaling the same energy I am inhaling, it’s usually toxic

When I’m alone all the energy I’m inhaling is healthy

Tries to act like a friend, but is never around when I need a hand

I don’t talk about it, I be to myself

They see me alone, they try to expose me until I explode

I stay in the shadows because I’m taking care of myself

I see all your lies in the light

In darkness, my energy still glows

Don’t worry about me, I have a steady flow

They get mad when they see you have self-control

They choose to stay below

I’m not worried about them when my mind alone is a combat zone

When I’m alone, I calm my thoughts and my soul floats

Pain, drain, it’s really not worth it if there is nothing to gain

Your mind wants to listen to them, your mind you must train

In peace you need to remain

When you focus on them, pain is all that remains

Focusing on them will destroy your self-esteem and make them feel vain

Self-focus is hard to maintain

So focused on them, you step out of your lane

Everyone’s path is different, it’s never the same

They don’t have it easy just because on their side it doesn’t rain

Too many people say they’re on your side, when you need their help, they don’t even try

Too many people say they try, when you are tied, they hide

The only times they show up is when you almost died

Other than that, they don’t care how many times you cried, their pride takes over, and away they slide

They want you to be there for them, but when you need them, the same rules aren’t applied

…

Too many people want second chances, but they won’t change unless they try to

Too many people say they are genuine, but their personalities can’t even be identified

You waste so much energy trying to please them but somehow they’re always dissatisfied

…

Too many people say they’re on your side, then they start acting strange, their actions become unspecified

When they need you, their kindness gets magnified, bring it up to them, and your words will get denied

Too many people ask me why I’m alone, my own vibe I don’t always have to verify

They lie and lie, I get high, close my eyes and I realize, they kept me paralyzed, I don’t need them to get into paradise