Days in my calendar

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I keep checking the days in my calendar
Plotting if any of these days I’m breaking my silence
Lately I’ve been so unbalanced
I completely shifted from my persona, it was almost as if I was in a coma
I’m going to need to reinforce a counterbalance
I lose myself, I forget who I am, and then I check my attendance
I check the days in my calendar
I remind myself I’m my own guidance
I’m driven by my impatience
I succeed through my dedication

On fit days

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And the world Spins 

As my thoughts shrink

I lose my cool

I ignore the process because I’m too focused on the results

I overthink the results and I don’t enjoy the process

I usually have it together

But I won’t deny that some days I am chaos

My biggest enemy is myself

Some days I’m extra hard on myself

But most days I excel all by myself

I mess up, I’m not perfect, wrecked, sometimes in conflict

But as long as I stay balanced

I’m exchanging bad habits with good habits

As long as I also keep it together

The days that I’m not that unfit

I guess I’m also still the shit

Similar Energy

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Your love to me is foreign, but I wouldn’t mind exploring

My words are silenced, my spirit is roaring

Your love is daring, but I wouldn’t mind absorbing

Sometimes you’re too quiet, should I enjoy it? Or is that a warning?

I’m up for the challenge

Your vibe carries so much talent, it makes my vibe balanced

If it comes with damage, I’ll manage

It lights up my darkness and fixes the damage

I’m taking advantage, in a good way

I appreciate it every single day

Bad energy interferes, bringing up certain fears

But you remove them before they become tears

The space surrounding me is not clear, but when I touch you, all of it just disappears

Heal Safely

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I’m trapped, wrapped in old scraps

I’ve snapped too many times

No matter how many bud I wrap

I still haven’t found the right remedy to heal

So I kneel and cry and I’m stuck in the “why”

Why am I still going through this?

Why haven’t I yet healed?

I’m wide aware of my pain

I’m highly aware that I need to change

I know the cause I just can’t figure out how to fix it

I know who caused it, and while I’m in pain, they’re out there happily living

How do you heal when you were exposed to that pain on a daily?

How do you heal without feeling crazy?

Lately I’ve been greatly messed up

All because I’m trying to get rid of the cause that is making me feel shady

I had a clear mind, but lately it‘s been wavy

I know the cause, I’m trying to reach peace with myself, but I need to do it safely

I don’t know what to say

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Late night spring

I let the phone ring and ring

I wasn’t in the mood to speak, but I had no voice anyway

I pretend that I’m present but my mind is very far away

Trying to walk in straight lines, but I keep tripping

I’m hiding, they’re worried

 

I let the phone ring and ring

Because I don’t know what to say

That I’ve had better days? 

That I’ve been feeling betrayed? 

I can’t explain it, because I don’t even know myself 

I’ve been trying to just go with the flow

The flow is catching speed and I still haven’t caught up

I’m still caged up in a certain mentality

I’m fighting to keep up with my reality 

 

Rearranging my moves 

Perfecting my thoughts 

Getting rid of old scraps

I’m working and crying

I’m laughing and trying

I hustle and I crumble

 

I’m human with a mind out of this world

Who was slowly losing her heart to a nature of cold

The phone rings and rings and I let it ring because I haven’t yet discovered myself and I don’t know what to say

Paying the price

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People warned me about you

I ignored them and now I pay the price

I was full of sight, you blinded me 

You were such a bully, you were never nice

You took my heart, into a million pieces it was sliced

I forgave you and you hurt me twice

I was an angel, you took me out of my paradise

My wings for you I sacrificed 

I should’ve listened to their advice

Because now I pay the price

Occupied Mind

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My mind is occupied

I try to relive some memories, but they slowly die

My breath is tied because my mind is not currently wide

I’ve tried, I’ve cried

I’ve experienced both sides

Sometimes I ride, sometimes I slide, sometimes I dive, it doesn’t matter how I get there if my memories are fried

Sometimes I confront it, other times I must hide

I take pride in saying I don’t need to lie to get what I want

Some days I am satisfied of how far I’ve come, other days I am terrified

Glorified, qualified

So many different sides

It’s not about picking a side, I must put the differences aside because all those sides make me who I am

But I’ll excel when my mind and my soul synchronize