Interrupted Healing (Explicit)

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Finally, finally moving on from all your fucked up memories
Somehow, somewhere I stumble & I fall
And all the hard work goes to waste
Here comes the trigger
I hate you again
I don’t trust again
How can I love again
I analyze it
I try to heal
I think I do
And it just comes back
To haunt me
To fuck shit up again
To weaken me
And weaken my ability to love again
To smile again
To finally, finally not hate you
To finally learn how to love again
To breathe again
To not be triggered so easily
To feel like i’m getting treated equally
To feel that I’m getting love frequently
I’m trying to heal quietly
But I’m hurting so noisily
Meanwhile I thought I was hurting secretly
I need to take a breather before this goes any further
I don’t want to love you
But I don’t want the pain you put me through to stop me from loving another