One thing holding me back is fear

I’ve come very near to clear my mind

Sometimes I get left behind

Now I don’t even know how to define myself

Sometimes I confide in myself

Sometimes I decline myself

Then I remember to be kind

I promise myself to find a way

Everyone is telling me it will all be fine

Even when shit is getting out of line

I need to take care of me and mine

But sometimes its hard to align myself

I need to be at peace

But I’m sipping this wine

All by myself

They want me to be there for them

But when I need them I’m all by myself

We’ve all gone a little mad
Sometimes we feel super sad
Sometimes we just need someone to hold our hand
Someone who will help us expand
But sometimes people don’t understand you
And instead of trying, they ban you
And they scan you
And based on their own image of you
All of a sudden they can’t stand you
They don’t understand all the fuckery that’s been building up
All that you’ve witnessed growing up
All the adultery, all the discovery
In a summary
They never gave you a chance
They only judge on what they see
Or what they choose to see
Never do they take time to check up on you
You could’ve been a wreck
They’ll make their own subject
Won’t ever give you the chance to object
They never gave a fuck about the effects

I’m slowly tipping
My mind is tripping
I don’t drink & i feel like drinking
Tired of flipping out
I’m tired & there is no doubt
How could I have allowed
Myself to fallout
To you it’s all about clout
To me it’s about protection
How can you not see the connection
Your actions is a reflection of whats inside
But why must I pay?
Do you think I’m a prey?
Sometimes i’m brave
Other times I sit there and I pray
Is it the attention that you crave?
While I want someone to save me
You’re seeking attention I never gave
And now you claim you can’t behave

From hot to cold

Sometimes it gets old

Sometimes I keep it controlled

I’ve been told I’m super bold

But sometimes I just want to be held

But I just keep getting mislabeled

Then they act surprised when I’ve rebelled

Like if I’ve been disguised

All this time I’ve been trying to stay alive

Trying to feel better than alright

I’ve been trying to provide

It’s hard to describe

I’ll never deny the pain I’ve been through

It’s helped me survive

Hypnotized sometimes mesmerized

Sometimes its a paradise

Other times it’s a sacrifice

You’re destroying me
Slowly depleting my energy
I’m trying really hard to stay sane
Trying really hard to break this toxic chain
But for some reason you make that impossible
You make me feel so irresponsible
You make me feel so miserable
I swear it’s like you want me to struggle
You want me to stumble
I’m trying not to get verbal
We keep going in circles
All this bad energy I feel internal
Working double trying to please you
Sometimes I search for clues
Blaming past experiences for what you been through
To possibly try to understand
Why you always reprimand
I wish it was simple
And you didn’t make me feel so sinful
Tired of trying to figure out the puzzle
I’m tired of feeling awful, It’s painful
I just want us to be blissful

Finally, finally moving on from all your fucked up memories
Somehow, somewhere I stumble & I fall
And all the hard work goes to waste
Here comes the trigger
I hate you again
I don’t trust again
How can I love again
I analyze it
I try to heal
I think I do
And it just comes back
To haunt me
To fuck shit up again
To weaken me
And weaken my ability to love again
To smile again
To finally, finally not hate you
To finally learn how to love again
To breathe again
To not be triggered so easily
To feel like i’m getting treated equally
To feel that I’m getting love frequently
I’m trying to heal quietly
But I’m hurting so noisily
Meanwhile I thought I was hurting secretly
I need to take a breather before this goes any further
I don’t want to love you
But I don’t want the pain you put me through to stop me from loving another

Now you want come for me
Did you all of sudden remember me
Was it a memory, a flashback
Did you miss my energy
Why are you trying to come back
I won’t submit
I’m too blunt
Never going to front
I can’t understand
How you demand
For me to submit to your commands
I stand on my ground
My anger expands

You seem to misunderstand

Text me and act like you care
Two weeks ago you was running away from me
How dare you,
Thinking you can just come and go
Well I’m telling you no
Don’t for a second doubt
That I won’t be fine without you
You fool, we would’ve been cool

But it wasn’t enough
Or you were scared
Either way, I don’t care